Thanksgiving pt 2: What could go wrong?

As promised, here's the rest of my epic adventure making my family's Thanksgiving meal. 


I decided to brine my turkey, because that's what all the cool kids are doing. I stole Alex Guarnaschelli's recipe because she promised it was awesome, but I honestly found the soy sauce to be a bit overpowering as it was about all I could taste. I was still very good and incredibly moist which is miraculous because as I mentioned before, my oven's thermometer is off. So when I turn the little knob to temperature X, my oven heats to temperature Y. As it turned out temperature Y was "broil" and my oven CAUGHT ON FIRE. I found out that when something catches on fire at my house my family responds by looking at the fire and asking each other(in totally calm, nonchalant, indoor voices) what do we do? Water? No. Call 911? Hell no(hide the bong, put out the blunt, where's the clear eyes?!?!). Baking soda. Yes, my one reader, baking soda. So my girlfriend, Jenny, killed the fire with a mere sprinkling of baking soda and we continued as if nothing ever happened 'cos that's how we roll.


After the fire was under control and my mother laid out the appetizers with care Kaiser called her in to work. So I set about dragging ass making the rest of dinner.


For the mashed potatoes I boiled yukon golds in salted water(put potatoes in cold water, covered, bring them up to a boil, uncover, keep simmering) with a bay leaf until they were fork tender. I mashed them up with butter AND cream cheese AND a herb(thyme, rosemary(very little), sage, fresh bayleaf, garlic) infused half and half which I had the joy of making twice as a my first batch decorated the kitchen floor and was enjoyed by the dogs. 


*Don't give dogs garlic or onions beeteedubz, a small amount is okay for a large dog(I have a pit bull mix and a... well... we're not sure about Odin...I digress), but it's toxic to them. Like chocolate. Or grapes/raisins. :C*


Anyway, back to the potatoes. I didn't whip them super smooth since they were so rich, I left them slightly chunky for..uh...Toothsomeness? I dunno, it works out well for me. I made gravy with the turkey drippings and the neck. I boiled it down with apple cider and chicken stock. Also some fresh herbs which escape me. Thyme and sage fosho.


To go with my starch I prepared moar starch in the form of stuffing. I ripped up a fresh french loaf and added maple bacon(crisped in a pan and cut up first), dried cherries, chopped pecans, onions, apples, and carrots (the latter three sauteed in olive oil with salt+pepper+poultry seasoning), three eggs, and some cream. Squished it all together and dished it into muffin tins with a ice cream scooper to make a brilliant idea I shamelessly ripped off of Rachel Ray: Stuffin' Muffins!! Yaaay!!! They're like muffins made of stuffing and who the hell doesn't love muffins?


*ahem*


Got a bit carried away, but really, I urge you to not stuff your bird. This is definitely a soap box of mine. I once patiently tried to bestow this knowledge upon my white bread ex's feed animal mother. She just mooed over me bellowing something about stuffing her turkey with box stuffing and never getting sick. Of course you wouldn't get sick if you cooked the shit out of your turkey like I'm sure my example does. If your stuffing was sawdust reconstituted with tap water lacking anything to bring it richness, there's no need to make sure it's cooked evenly. If you used your oven like a heat ray blasting all the juiciness out of the turkey until all that is left is a chalky husk of what could've been delicate, tender, absolutely silken on the tongue. Then, no, you have no worries. Stuff your bird. But if you use eggs in your stuffing, if your turkey is raw, don't mix the two. By the time the external temperature of the turkey meat reaches the correct doneness, the middle of the stuffing will still likely be undercooked. You don't want a soggy mess do you, you nasty bitch? On top of all these other sparkling prizes, not stuffing the bird cuts the cooking time down dramatically. Any way; in a pan, in a casserole, in a muffin tin, just not in a turkey crevice DD;


There was my tangent. Anyway, after all this starch I decided we needed one more: sweet potato yam casserole. I peeled and cut my yams, actually, they were yams...I cut them into thinnish, half inch slices and par steamed them over a bath of hot water with a cinnamon stick in it. After about 15 minutes of this I put them in a pan and tossed them with butter, pumpkin pie spice(the same one from the pudding), brown sugar, salt and pepper, and roasted them with pecans and homemade marshmallow at I-wish-I-could-tell-you-degrees. Hot, 400 or so I was hoping for. They were done after the marshmallows and melted and became golden on top. I used Alton Brown's green bean casserole recipe. Do it faggots, it's good. 


Annnd what does that leave? Ah, cranberry sawce. Cranberry sauce goes like this:
1 bag cranberries
1 cup sugar
The juice of 1 orange + 1 lime
Also the zest(zest them first)
1 stick cinnamon
1 jalapeño pepper(seeded, we want fruity, not fire. The cinnamon adds warmth)


Put everything together, boil until cranberries start to pop. Let sit at room temperature for a bit so let everyone get to know eachother.

So that was my Thanksgiving. We were all so ravenous that we only took a moment to snap a picture of my plate before we dug in. There will be more pictures in future entries. I promise B: